A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
