I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
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When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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