Whod you bang
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
