We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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