I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I had to cum in my sink.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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