im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
did i walk over a car last night?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
