Non-Jews are for practice
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
