He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
