Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
