when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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