the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
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On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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