There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My cat gives me a boner
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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