I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
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Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
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Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize