I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
