She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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