It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
