I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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