Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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