Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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