I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
