I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
