Do you still have your period?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
