I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
