On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
