I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
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Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
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I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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