one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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