he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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