i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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