That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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