I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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