The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
