The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
