I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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