i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
