there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My vagina just recognized that song.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
