dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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