You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
zippers are such a cool invention
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
