I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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