Don't you send me to vm
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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