I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
