If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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