My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
