I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
