I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
