and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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