areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
