have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
