I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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