We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
