I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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