I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
