Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
as a side note pls kill me
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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