this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
