I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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