u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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