You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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