70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
