I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
How naked do you want me to be?
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