college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
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I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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