I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
