If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
