Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Randomize
