That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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