My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
