Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
