1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
