do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
