Three words: puerto rican gang bang
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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