Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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