I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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