I'm going to jail i love you
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
