where am i from again
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
