Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
