it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
