we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
