mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
