who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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